I have abandonment issues also

One thing I want to share, is that I use the same processes on myself.

I think it would be massively hypocritical if I taught stuff I did not use. I not only teach this stuff, but I’ve dedicated my life to it somewhat. This process I talk about is “Loving Your Way Through it” which is now my designed method for healing, coaching, processing stuff and evolving.

What it does is, at its very core, it forces you to accept things in your life. Once you’ve fully loved something, you not only accept it, but you no longer fight it to the point you sort of know what to do with it.

This is sort of like moving house. When you move, you have a lot of “stuff” and it can take a while to get through, but once you do everything has a new home and you’ve probably decided to keep a few things.

The emotions in our life are the same. The things that we go through are the same. The events we go through are the same. 

Often we want to change something, but that comes from lack. So when it comes from a desperate position, it’s almost impossible to change.

Take love for example:
People are doomed to repeat situations until they accept them.
Once they love the very thing they reject, they are free to move forward. They are capable of moving forward as well. In most cases, they either know deeply how to move forward and in the rest, they know what to do in order to at least learn.

This is why my coaching is so bloody important. We strip the layers, we shed the things that hold us back and when we love everything in our lives, not only are we set free, but we have more space for others.

So, what of abandonment? 

Well since I apply the same process to myself, I am shaving through layers of my deep subconscious faster and deeper than ever before. This means, as a result, I’m learning things about myself, how I treat emotions (and therefore, how others in similar situations treat emotions) like never before.

The other night, I discovered that I had some deep abandonment issues. Stuff that I hadn’t even registered, but makes a whole lot of sense. 

Turns out, I had a deep fear that some people wouldn’t like me. As a result, I tried very hard to like them. This is what we call “Overcompensatory behaviour” and I am guilty of it also. Guess what would happen when I tried very hard to like somebody? I thought it would help them like me, at a level I was not aware off, and also, at that same level, would get subtly angry at them if they didn’t give me the same respect in return.

I’m not sure about you, but that doesn’t sound too healthy to me.

So, once we witness our emotion and the sheer insanity that is our subconscious wheeling and dealings, and we accept and love them fully, they change form. They always change in such subtle ways that I almost cannot write it down as a formula. It changes form, and most of the time we get a choice. To keep it or to shed it as a layer of our identity.

Let’s bring back the metaphor of moving house. Think of a lamp. Imagine for your whole life you had a lamp that you hated. You carried it with you to every house you lived in and it reminded you of something that you had forgotten you did not like. It also is busted so it is a little bit of a pain in the dick to use. 
However, one day you decided to look at that lamp. You realise how much you actually hate it. How the shape pisses you off. How the light isn’t quite enough and how you had a falling out with the person that gave you the lamp. Then you laugh because you didn’t realise how much that lamp pissed you off. You realise how much you actually love that lamp because it provided a great space to get angry. You suddenly realise every time you were angry, you would give that lamp the could shoulder and avoid it. You then find this hilarious because you were using that lamp as an emotional punching bag and it was such amazing support. Now, though, as you’ve had this realisation, you get to move on. You are now free from the lamp and free from the emotion that you linked to it, so you get the choice. You might decide to throw it away or keep it in the meantime. Suddenly, the lamp is just a lamp and, after all, you do need something to read gripping novels to at night.

I use this lamp as an example, but it’s so bloody accurate to how we operate as humans. Only, sometimes we use other people. We link all this extra emotion to them and the situation and as a result, can’t see the person for who or what they actually are.

Anyway, that’s all for this email. I have a few cool things to share though:

1. I have a free audiobook.
3 Ways on how to destroy anxiety.
Since you’re already on this list, I’ll give it to you for free.
Download it here

2. I have a new online course out now
3 Days to better connections
Get Instant Access Here

3. Two new youtube videos
How to believe in yourself
&
How to let go of someone

Until next time!

Live life on your terms!
Sharam Namdarian

Oh and don’t forget to check out my new website 🙂