What I did in 2019 (Review)

I would take this first newsletter to share with you some stuff that happened to me last year.

I didn’t realise that last year for me was going to be a big one.

So, the year started out with one of my best friends becoming single. He was the guy that I had started to learn about dating an relationships with, except I got sucked into it like a mad man reading his way through a library. He, on the other hand, was just out of a relationship and wanted to play the field a little bit.

It was good, first, we dealt with shame, the guilt and all the grief. In a matter of weeks, he was up and ready for action. In a matter of months, he had met somebody he liked and we had to deal with the shame, the guilt and the grief for not staying single for so long.

We called it his “Gap Year” to explore himself, and frankly, I didn’t realise I was having my own gap year.

A gap year from being me, and a gap year to figure myself out.

So I had moved back with my parents, and spent the year questioning myself. It became impossible to be me. I tried every little strategy that I had learned to get myself to figure out my life and what I was doing with it. I tried a number of little side projects: 
I got back into graphic design for a bit
I tried dropshipping
I also got a job working night shifts at a wholesale fruit and veg market. 
I ran a self-esteem workshop with what I had learned that year as well.

It was really nice to not be me for a while, to be somebody else. I needed a break. 

However, I am a spiritual inventor of sorts, and that all changed one day. I can’t even remember exactly what happened, but I was fighting myself as usual. The battles were brutal and deep, as usual, but I won this time.

It was over something simple like watching videos on my phone. A microcosm of a higher battle, but it was in that moment that I had a moment of relief. In that moment of relief, I had a realisation.

The realisation was this:

There is nothing in our life that we don’t love.

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Nothing.

This means, that the battles I was having was something I wanted, dare I say loved.
This means, the confusion I was experiencing was something I wanted, dare I say loved.
This means, that feeling defeated by life was something I wanted, are I say love.

And, you probably know this already, but the greatest way to heal is to witness one’s own self. You also probably know that the greatest way to seek change is to accept where you are. Otherwise, we make a change, but we shift the pain. 

Like a breakup, if you’ve ever had a friend break up with somebody over a situation only to find themselves in the same situation with another person, this is it. Life brings you more of what you reject, and if you accept it, then you get to change it.

So, I started accepting how much I wanted and loved everything in my life. The good, the bad, the everything.

I started calling this process “Loving Your Way Through it”

Within a matter of days, I had sorted out most of my emotional issues that had stemmed from the downfall of being Harvey Hooke. In a matter of a couple of months, I had then moved out of my parents home (much to the shock of my mother, who wishes I could stay forever). All of a sudden, I wasn’t confused anymore, and dare I say, could tolerate confusion. The puzzle pieces of my life started to slot in together in ways that I didn’t realise they would or could.

So that it, I’m basing my life of this concept. It seems revolutionary enough for me. My journey has ended, the seeking is complete and I am found whole and thirsty for more.

I’ve also just completed my first online course as Sharam Namdarian that’s available online here:
It’s called 7 Days to Better Connections and it’s about identifying certain aspects of ourselves and our lives that we need to fall more in love with.

You can check that out here:
https://www.sharamnamdarian.com/7-days-to-better-connections

Thank you for reading.